So, as i said i was a bit over reacting when i wrote a blog post last time. Maybe more than a bit. Anyway, let me write what's been happening ever since. J came home on Thursday! It was absolutely wonderful to see him again! A lot of things have changed. So it's quite a new journey for both of us. But we are together in this and so it'll be okay! When he arrived we went to his place for a sec. I am not going to describe the details or anything but let's say some things scared me a bit. And maybe, again, i was over reacted. But i have some values in my life.. and that's the way i am. I cannot change who i am. I was raised that way. And i have taken J into my life coz he's exactly what i have always wanted to find. A perfect guy for me! He. And only he!
Oh, anyway, we had a little argument over few things. It hurt me a lot. And i know it hurt him, too. And i suppose he didn't quite understand me. It's okay. As long as we are together. And maybe i am again making a lot out of nothing. But it's just not the way i imagined. And now i am not only talking about yesterday. Today too. When J told me "the secret i must keep" i was happy and a bit sad too. For my own reasons. But there was on certain thing that made me happy about this whole situation. And the last days it was all i was thinking about. Cause i am really looking forward to it. And i hoped that if he came home and i told and showed him some things he would be the same excited. Cause it was like a new beginning. And there was so much to look forward to. But he hardly noticed or cared. But i don't blame him. He's a lot in his mind, and who knows what he wants anymore. Maybe i am too excited. Maybe i again over think and hope too much. I should stop planning and hoping and wishing. Cause i don't want my imagine of the near future to crush down.
Haha, i know it's such a complicated blog post. Mostly cause only i understand it.
But to sum up, i am happy with the way things are going. He made the best decision possible. And even though it's just a beginning and things can seem a bit shaggy, it'll calm down and eventually we'll love it all :)
PS! I love you, J ! <3