Days fly by so fast. Not so happy about it..unless these are the days when J is away. Which means right now i like to see days flying. Fortunately, tomorrow's Thursday and J comes back. Yay big time! University is though as always. I love going there (mostly because of my friends), but right now im overloaded with home assignments and i have no idea where to start. (I'll figure it out this weekend). I already made a lonnnnnggg list of things i need to get done with on Friday! Thank God, Firdays are off!
I am planning to go to visit my granny on Friday, too. It's so bad of me that i see my Tallinn granny more often than the one who lives in the same town as i do :/ It's just that i spend most of my days in Tallinn and if i'm at home, i study, watch tv-shows(LOL) or something else that seems to be important at that moment. But i try to be better grandchild. I'll call her tomorrow and ask if she and grandpa will be home on Friday. I need to go to my mom's work, too. And maybe to the library(again!).
Ohhhh, tomorrow's gonna be a longgg day. After uni i have dancing. Gosh, i love dancing. It's my no.1 passion. But the new dance we are learning is pretty hard. I need knee protections, but i forgot to buy...so i don't know what i will do in tomorrow's dancing. I deffo can't lean into my knees (we have that in our dance moves). PS! We are learning dance moves from NeYo video "Beautiful Monster".
OKAY! Enough, Sandra!!!!!It's 10.57pm and i need to wash and then go to bed..with my laptop to watch Hellcats:D Ouuyeeesss=D Night!
S.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
raspberry jam thief!
Okay, it's very crazy. Mom went to the drama class. Me and my sis were home alone. Upstairs. Around 9pm i heard Bonnie(our dog) barking. Finally he was quiet again. Mom came back and asked who had eaten jam so everything was messy and stick with jam. I said i didn't, Anni said she didn't either. None of us ever went to the kitchen to eat anything..especially raspberry jam. We both swore to God we didn't touch it. But who did??? Mom said she finished cleaning kitchen just before she went to the drama class. And she came back to face the mess. It's very strange. :S The only solution we came up to was that Lizanna came here without us knowing and she wanted a raspberry jam. Yesterday she ate here strawberry jam and told it was her favorite. So, it can be possible that today she came here to eat the same strawberry jam, but she found only raspberry one. But 9pm?! Isn't that too late? I asked Merikan if Lizanna came here today, she said no. But i should have asked if Lizanna was playing outside tonight..Maybe Merikan just didn't know she came here. It's very weird. We gotta lock the doors at day time now too. And im definitely going to check downstairs every time Bonnie barks ;)
Hopefully tomorrow we can ask from Lizanna if she came over here :P
Night,
S.
Hopefully tomorrow we can ask from Lizanna if she came over here :P
Night,
S.
a better day!
Everything is good again. Thank God for that. I don't know what i would do without J. I love him too much to loose it over some stupid reason. Yeah, that's what it was yesterday. A fight over a stupid thing. I truly hope nothing like that never happens again. There's no point in fighting. We want to be together. So, we should just enjoy each other's company and not complaint or fight.
I am very happy right now:)
Only sad thing is that J is going to Finland and won't come back until Friday. I am gonna miss him. But i know it's all worth waiting for. I can be with him soon again! Love,
S.
I am very happy right now:)
Only sad thing is that J is going to Finland and won't come back until Friday. I am gonna miss him. But i know it's all worth waiting for. I can be with him soon again! Love,
S.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
to see a rainbow you must face the rain!
I went to Tallinn yesterday and had such a great time with J. Yesterday and today were perfect. I hadn't had so great time for a long time. But of course good things don't last forever. Sad, but true. I admit it was all my fault. And i regret these turning 10 minutes of today evening. I ruined everything. I can't say it was 100% my fault because J definitely had a part of it. He just asked why i was suddenly so strange and what was wrong..i said nothing(tho maybe i really was a bit moody or whatever). But i told i was okay (and i really planned to BE one..i was thinking there's no point to runi the life with my mood..but just when i thought that, he told he's not coming to the train until i tell him what's wrong). So, we had about 7 minutes. I was in the train, he was standing outside the train. He asked, but i begged him to come in. And then the train doors closed :( It hurt me so much, that he chosed to stay outside and not to trust me if i said i was okay. I hoped he would appreciate my decision not to talk about it (because there was nothing to talk about). I sat in the train tears falling. I knew i couln't go home without him..or at least talking to him. So, i called him and told im coming off at the next stop. We met in the Old Town. He was obviously mad/sad/disappointed. And he told that he didn't want to be with a girl who is moody. O'boy that hurt. But the thing is that not only I am mood, he is too! And the other night he was moody and stange and i saw sth was wrong, i asked, but he said it was nothing. I asked again, but he told me to forgot. And i DID! Why couldn't he do the same today when i told i was okay?? Anyway, he told that in the last month we have fight so much. He asked what were we going to celebrate on 13th Feb(our 6 months anniversary)... a month of fighting?! I was thinking: no, 6 months of being together, working through all the fights and still loving each other.
When he told me that he couldn't be with a girl like me(with moods) it hurt me a lot. I knew he was thinking of breaking up with me. Gosh. How can it be so easy for him? I mean, he says he loves me and cares of me, he makes me feel like a princess. And i believe him. But then in the next second he's so ready to break up our relationship. Doesn't it matter to him at all? Don't I matter? I can't imagine even thinking of breaking up with him. I can be mad at him, i can be disappointed or sad.. But whatever i am feeling, i am never thinking of ending our relationship. Because i love him. And i really mean it. J told me todya that sometimes you must leave even if you love someone. I could dump him only if he cheated. I love him and i truly believe that if we are together and care of each other we can go through everything, sickness and health, fights and all that. But i don't see into his mind and i don't know what he's thinking or feeling. I just wished he didn't give up on our realtionship so easily. I think it's worth fighting for. The other day we watched a movie and one man told there to a woman who had constant fights with her exboyfriend: If i had had fights like that with my exwife i would be still together with her. It has a point. Who has a relationship without fights? I don't know any. If there weren't a rain how could we apreciate a sun? If we have sun forever we take it for granted. The same about realtionships.
Anyway, to continue, we went back to the trailway station and were waiting for the next train. We sat and didn't talk much. I saw he was thinking of something. He asked what's next. I told that if he didn't want to be with me then there's nothing i could do. And after awhile he told he has nothing else to tell me, and stood up and left.. Gosh, that hurt me more than anything. I cried. I'm too emotional i know, but i can't help it :/ But it reallt hurt. I know he didn't do it on purpose, but sometimes i think how can people who you love hurt you so much. And how can people who tell they love you hurt you so much?!
I didn't want to sit inside and cry there, so i went out. J was there. Oh boy how much i wanted to hug him and make things go back to normal. But i know it was too late. Be we talked. I asked if that was it. He told me to tell him. I told that i didn't want to break up with him. I have never wanted it. I love him. And i am glad that this is one thing he knows for sure, that i love him. I think i have told this to him enough times, and every time i have said it i have meant it.
He asked what did i think if we could get pass it, could we work things out. I believed we could. It's all up to us. If we really want then everything is possible. He came to the train with me. I had no idea if he was inteniding to leave or not. I wished he didn't. He stayed with me. But i didn't know if he did this because he felt he had to, or because he was sorry for me, or because he really wanted to. I don't know. And i guess i won't be so sure for a long time. How can i be sure all he tells me if true. That he loves me for example. One second he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, and then in the next second he's talking about breaking up with me. And if he really don't break up with me and only talks about it then it seems like he wants to hurt me on purpose because he knows how much it hurt me. I don't know. All i know is that i love him and i want to be with him. I hope he feels the same.
When he "broke up" with me i was thinking of the past and the future. We have shared so amazing 6 months(at leats for me they have been amazing). Yesterday and today before that moody thingy was so perfect. I didn't want to end our relationship because of my moods. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know what i would do. I love him too much!
Anyway, we came to Kohila, went to the shop and now are at my place, in the bed, going to watch a movie soon. He's going to Finland tomorrow. I truly hope with all my heart that things can go back to as they were. I miss that. And i give a promise to be a better girlfriend. Whenever i ever feel moody i will think back to today's incident and i hopefully it will remind me of something. I think everythig happens for a reason. So maybe today was a reminder for both of us that there's no point in fighting without a big reason. I learned for today that we live just once and i try to take maximum from every single day!
With love,
S.
When he told me that he couldn't be with a girl like me(with moods) it hurt me a lot. I knew he was thinking of breaking up with me. Gosh. How can it be so easy for him? I mean, he says he loves me and cares of me, he makes me feel like a princess. And i believe him. But then in the next second he's so ready to break up our relationship. Doesn't it matter to him at all? Don't I matter? I can't imagine even thinking of breaking up with him. I can be mad at him, i can be disappointed or sad.. But whatever i am feeling, i am never thinking of ending our relationship. Because i love him. And i really mean it. J told me todya that sometimes you must leave even if you love someone. I could dump him only if he cheated. I love him and i truly believe that if we are together and care of each other we can go through everything, sickness and health, fights and all that. But i don't see into his mind and i don't know what he's thinking or feeling. I just wished he didn't give up on our realtionship so easily. I think it's worth fighting for. The other day we watched a movie and one man told there to a woman who had constant fights with her exboyfriend: If i had had fights like that with my exwife i would be still together with her. It has a point. Who has a relationship without fights? I don't know any. If there weren't a rain how could we apreciate a sun? If we have sun forever we take it for granted. The same about realtionships.
Anyway, to continue, we went back to the trailway station and were waiting for the next train. We sat and didn't talk much. I saw he was thinking of something. He asked what's next. I told that if he didn't want to be with me then there's nothing i could do. And after awhile he told he has nothing else to tell me, and stood up and left.. Gosh, that hurt me more than anything. I cried. I'm too emotional i know, but i can't help it :/ But it reallt hurt. I know he didn't do it on purpose, but sometimes i think how can people who you love hurt you so much. And how can people who tell they love you hurt you so much?!
I didn't want to sit inside and cry there, so i went out. J was there. Oh boy how much i wanted to hug him and make things go back to normal. But i know it was too late. Be we talked. I asked if that was it. He told me to tell him. I told that i didn't want to break up with him. I have never wanted it. I love him. And i am glad that this is one thing he knows for sure, that i love him. I think i have told this to him enough times, and every time i have said it i have meant it.
He asked what did i think if we could get pass it, could we work things out. I believed we could. It's all up to us. If we really want then everything is possible. He came to the train with me. I had no idea if he was inteniding to leave or not. I wished he didn't. He stayed with me. But i didn't know if he did this because he felt he had to, or because he was sorry for me, or because he really wanted to. I don't know. And i guess i won't be so sure for a long time. How can i be sure all he tells me if true. That he loves me for example. One second he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, and then in the next second he's talking about breaking up with me. And if he really don't break up with me and only talks about it then it seems like he wants to hurt me on purpose because he knows how much it hurt me. I don't know. All i know is that i love him and i want to be with him. I hope he feels the same.
When he "broke up" with me i was thinking of the past and the future. We have shared so amazing 6 months(at leats for me they have been amazing). Yesterday and today before that moody thingy was so perfect. I didn't want to end our relationship because of my moods. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know what i would do. I love him too much!
Anyway, we came to Kohila, went to the shop and now are at my place, in the bed, going to watch a movie soon. He's going to Finland tomorrow. I truly hope with all my heart that things can go back to as they were. I miss that. And i give a promise to be a better girlfriend. Whenever i ever feel moody i will think back to today's incident and i hopefully it will remind me of something. I think everythig happens for a reason. So maybe today was a reminder for both of us that there's no point in fighting without a big reason. I learned for today that we live just once and i try to take maximum from every single day!
With love,
S.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Not very excited about today. Every time J parties after that he's so weird. Like he doesn't care of anything. Not sure he even wants to see me today... He says he does, but doesn't sound so honest. I don't know. Unfortunately i don't see into his mind. All i hope for is that i won't regret seeing him tonight. I definitely don't want to fight.
PS! I was right. He partied till morning and didn't make it to his granny's. What a sweet grandchild he is, isn't he?
PS! I was right. He partied till morning and didn't make it to his granny's. What a sweet grandchild he is, isn't he?
friendship and more:)
I feel Valentines Day in the air. I am totally ready to face it. Today i posted three gifts to my friends abroad. And i also finished a video for Elisa for V-day. All the gifts to my other friends are waiting in my drawers too. Oh, i love that beautiful time of the year!:) In USA and most of other countries Valentine's Day is mostly meant for couples. But i am so happy in Estonia it's called Friend's Day. So, either you have or don't have a boy/girlfriend at that time, it doesn't matter at all. This is my first time to celebrate V-day when i have a bf:) Sweet!
Okay, a little bit of my recent doings. Uni started on Monday and i already have SO much to do. The subjects seem very interesting this semester, but we've got a lot of projects and home assignments to do. I hope i can stay focused on all the work that needs to get done. Right now it's weekend and im trying to rest a bit too. I couldn't fall alseep very well last night. I was just laying on my bed and thinking and wishing i could sleep, but i didn't. Finally about 4am i fell asleep, and i woke up at 11am. Thank God it's a weekend!=)
I got a nice surprise today! (i LOVE surprises more than anything!). I got a late Christmas gift from Sharon. I got my fav dutch cookies and strawberry bodybutter from The Body Shop. It's my totally fav body products brand. I love it. I didn't have the strawberry one, so i very love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
I am going to have lunch very soon. Dad's making my fav food - ovenbaked salmon with potatoes. And mom's making super delicious cake. I love weekends and lunches/dinners with my family!
I wonder what J is doing right now. I am not brave enough to call him because i have a strange feeling he's still sleeping (though he should be at his granny's). It wouldn't surprise me if he partied too hard and didn't make it there. I guess i'll hear about it later! Well, as long as he had fun yesterday!=)
I am posting here one of my favorite painting by A. Harlamoff.
The Pink Bonnet
Okay, a little bit of my recent doings. Uni started on Monday and i already have SO much to do. The subjects seem very interesting this semester, but we've got a lot of projects and home assignments to do. I hope i can stay focused on all the work that needs to get done. Right now it's weekend and im trying to rest a bit too. I couldn't fall alseep very well last night. I was just laying on my bed and thinking and wishing i could sleep, but i didn't. Finally about 4am i fell asleep, and i woke up at 11am. Thank God it's a weekend!=)
I got a nice surprise today! (i LOVE surprises more than anything!). I got a late Christmas gift from Sharon. I got my fav dutch cookies and strawberry bodybutter from The Body Shop. It's my totally fav body products brand. I love it. I didn't have the strawberry one, so i very love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
I am going to have lunch very soon. Dad's making my fav food - ovenbaked salmon with potatoes. And mom's making super delicious cake. I love weekends and lunches/dinners with my family!
I wonder what J is doing right now. I am not brave enough to call him because i have a strange feeling he's still sleeping (though he should be at his granny's). It wouldn't surprise me if he partied too hard and didn't make it there. I guess i'll hear about it later! Well, as long as he had fun yesterday!=)
I am posting here one of my favorite painting by A. Harlamoff.
The Pink Bonnet
Monday, January 17, 2011
feels good.
So much about my great intention to make a really delicious white chocolate cake. I totally failed :|
But i sort of managed to fix it and in the end everybody sort of liked it. Yeah. But i wish everything was perfect.
But it was a few days ago. So its comptely forgotten by now. haha
It's Wednesday today. I got Spanish exam result - C. Yay! I am so happy. I can breath now again and totally relax and enjoy the uni break without worrying about any result or exam. It feels great. I only wish J was here too. I miss him when he's not around. But we'll see on Friday. Cant wait.
Yesterday i had a dance practice again. It was super cool. Dancing is my passion!
I also went ice-skating yesterday. What a fun day!
Tomorrow's a dance practice again. Me gusta! And on Friday evening i'll see J. And on Saturday we are going to theater to see a play.
I think im going to bed and i'll read a book. I haven't had much time to read recently. But now i want to do and enjoy it. :)
But i sort of managed to fix it and in the end everybody sort of liked it. Yeah. But i wish everything was perfect.
But it was a few days ago. So its comptely forgotten by now. haha
It's Wednesday today. I got Spanish exam result - C. Yay! I am so happy. I can breath now again and totally relax and enjoy the uni break without worrying about any result or exam. It feels great. I only wish J was here too. I miss him when he's not around. But we'll see on Friday. Cant wait.
Yesterday i had a dance practice again. It was super cool. Dancing is my passion!
I also went ice-skating yesterday. What a fun day!
Tomorrow's a dance practice again. Me gusta! And on Friday evening i'll see J. And on Saturday we are going to theater to see a play.
I think im going to bed and i'll read a book. I haven't had much time to read recently. But now i want to do and enjoy it. :)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
every part of me
It's been again for a while since my last post. Thing have been great. Christmas and New Years Eve was fun because i got to be with J! He's in Finland right now and i miss him like crazy!
I was supposed to study for tomorrow's Spanish oral exam, but i just couldn't. All i could do was think of J. I can't wait till he comes back. Tomorrow will be our 5th month anniversary. Can't believe it's already 5 months. Time flies. But in a second thought, i feel like i've been with him forever. I seriously can't imagine what i would do without him. I guess i am really used to that guy. Me gusta!<3
Oh, i should be studying right now too. But instead i am writing here. :| I watched 13 episodes of HM today. Instead of studying. :| Actually i did study a bit, but i spend more time on the breaks than studying. I know, i am so bad. And i will probably regret it tomorrow. But more then anything i want the exam to be fine. I suck at speaking in Spanish. One thing is to write or read, but speaking is totally different.
I guess i gotta wish for a miracle!!!! And i truly do!
I haven't written about the dancing studio which i joined in. It's called DanceAct and im learning video-clip dancing. It's super fun! We are learning a dance from Feedback music video (by Janet Jackson). It's quite hard, but me gusta!=)
Anyway, after tomorrow's exam i'll have two more weeks till university starts again. I'm so happy that i can relax and not to think about uni AT ALL! I just want tomorrow to be over(the exam part!). After the exam i'll go to my granny's and later to the dance practice.
Too bad J can't be around tomorrow. Another anniversary that we can't celebrate or just be together. :(
But this one day doesn't matter as long as we are together all the other days we can. Whenever and wherever i'm with him, i'm so happy!
Last Thursday i made him a cake because i knew we couldn't be together on 13th. So, i made him the cake a week before our anniversary. He had told me he liked truffle cake. And it decided to look for the recipe and make a truffle cake for the first time of my life. It didn't look that nice, but it tasted pretty good. And what's the most important is that J liked it(at least he told that and he did pretty much eat all the cake by himself..except two little pieces that i ate). I made the cake with all my love and i hope he catched it :D haha.
Okay, i'll watch tv now and then pack my bag for tomorrow's practice.
Night =)
I was supposed to study for tomorrow's Spanish oral exam, but i just couldn't. All i could do was think of J. I can't wait till he comes back. Tomorrow will be our 5th month anniversary. Can't believe it's already 5 months. Time flies. But in a second thought, i feel like i've been with him forever. I seriously can't imagine what i would do without him. I guess i am really used to that guy. Me gusta!<3
Oh, i should be studying right now too. But instead i am writing here. :| I watched 13 episodes of HM today. Instead of studying. :| Actually i did study a bit, but i spend more time on the breaks than studying. I know, i am so bad. And i will probably regret it tomorrow. But more then anything i want the exam to be fine. I suck at speaking in Spanish. One thing is to write or read, but speaking is totally different.
I guess i gotta wish for a miracle!!!! And i truly do!
I haven't written about the dancing studio which i joined in. It's called DanceAct and im learning video-clip dancing. It's super fun! We are learning a dance from Feedback music video (by Janet Jackson). It's quite hard, but me gusta!=)
Anyway, after tomorrow's exam i'll have two more weeks till university starts again. I'm so happy that i can relax and not to think about uni AT ALL! I just want tomorrow to be over(the exam part!). After the exam i'll go to my granny's and later to the dance practice.
Too bad J can't be around tomorrow. Another anniversary that we can't celebrate or just be together. :(
But this one day doesn't matter as long as we are together all the other days we can. Whenever and wherever i'm with him, i'm so happy!
Last Thursday i made him a cake because i knew we couldn't be together on 13th. So, i made him the cake a week before our anniversary. He had told me he liked truffle cake. And it decided to look for the recipe and make a truffle cake for the first time of my life. It didn't look that nice, but it tasted pretty good. And what's the most important is that J liked it(at least he told that and he did pretty much eat all the cake by himself..except two little pieces that i ate). I made the cake with all my love and i hope he catched it :D haha.
Okay, i'll watch tv now and then pack my bag for tomorrow's practice.
Night =)
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