Monday, February 28, 2011


I am listening to soundtrack of Burlesque movie. I am so happy coz I got to talk to J for a minute. He's coming online later tonight. =) I can't wait to talk to my sweetie! He makes me so happy!!!!:)

winter list

I know it's already the last day of February and i still haven't made a winter list.
But it's never too late, right? So, here i am making a veryyy late list. So much has happened already and i am not going to add these to this list. I'll write down only things that i wish for March.
This winter(March) i want to:

spend a lot of time with J
not to argue with J !
make something special

a stipendium
a sunny winter
more time to have fun with J
a lot of flowers

like a princess


O M G - autumn out, winter in.

I was reading my old blog and i just realized that i haven't made a winter list. :| I definitely gotta make that before winter is over!!!
But first i need to write how my autumn list worked out ;)
I'll just copy my autumn list here and put a tick(*) after all these i managed to do/have/feel :)

watch Letters To Juliet * (twice!)
go to the movies to see Step Up 3 and Devil **
read N.Sparks books *
save money * (and also spend it!haha)
take yoga classes
learn Spanish * (completed A1 level in Jan! So proud!)
enjoy uni classes * :)
listen to audiobook The Undomestic Godness *
go to Finland * (twice)
walk in colorful autumn leaves *
make a Spinach lasagna
eat healthy food every day *

a lot of energy *
good grades *
hot tea when it's cold outside * (had hot tea outside too!)
a quality time with my bf ******* :) Every day with J is the best!
a new bag * (ordered from ebay)
a new pair of jeans & a jacket **
a crazy week with Sharon
time try out new recipes *
a sunny and dry autumn (dont remember anymore. LOL)
a special 13th Sept & Oct ** :)

blessed *
loved * so sooo loved!
super happy *
autumn rain drops in my face *
comfy in my fall clothes *
smart *
independent *
confident *

So, that's it. This autumn has been the best in my life i guess. I have never been so happy in my life. I feel very very loved by my bf who is absolutely amazing! I cannot imagine my life without him. He completes me!


Have you ever..

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry.
Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep all night.
Have you ever tried to find the words, but they don't come out right.
Have you ever...

Sunday, February 27, 2011

If i feel down and i am moody and i don't feel like doing anything. If i feel so lost and i don't want to see anybody and i feel like tears could come to my eyes without a real reason. Then J is the only one who can make me feel good, happy and normal again. He makes me feel special and loved.

If only missing him wouldn't hurt so much :'(

Minu Printsile

shining so bright...

4-days-weekend is almost over:( I wouldn't be so sad if J was here. But he's not. He had to go to Finland. It's gonna be tough week for me. I feel so empty when he's not around. But hey, i am a strong girl! I'll be fine. Besides i have soooo much to school work to do so probably time will fly and i'll see him sooner than i thought:)
J and I cooked together yesterday. Well, i think next time i'll let him to that job. Or i'll try just to listen to him more and do everything as he wants. Because in the end he didn't like the food (coz i didn't do as he asked. Lol). I am smarter next time. Anyway, i liked the dinner very much :)
That's how it looked like!

Today morning J went to the train. When i was walking back from the trailway station i was thinking a lot. I was thinking of how much i love J and how much i care of him! It's just crazy, he's totally deep in my heart! <3 I was also thinking of my birthday. It is almost March already, my bday is on 5th Arpil. Not so far anymore. I have no idea how to celebrate it. I so very hope that J is around at that time. Oh, today is such a sunnny day outside. When i was walking it really felt like now the snow is going to melt and i can see green grass soon (and wear converse);) I can't wait! I think i am going to Tallinn with mom and dad soon, although i don't have mood for that really. And my stomach hurts :S

The most romantic candies! J bought them to me yesterday:)

My penpal Margaret sent four of these to me :) Snickers Almonds is so yummie!

Oh, sun is shining so bright that i feel so hot. And my tummy still hurts a lot :S I better go and lay down a little bit.


Friday, February 25, 2011


"There comes a time in every life we find the heart we're looking for."

"Every moment without you, is a moment of time lost."

"In time all things grow old and weak, but my love for you only grows strong and better with every second of every day."

"And if your feeling scared remember the times we've had. You know it meant everything to me."

"The more I know you, the more I love you."

Ma armastan sind, J!

'cause i love you.

Don't ruin what you have by looking back to the past or forward to the future. Hold your love in your hands in the present!

sorry for yesterday.

Monday, February 21, 2011


What could possibly be better than roasted nuts!? Well, maybe chocolate, or fruits. But right now i am craving for nuts (that's how i am. One day i can't live without chocolate, next day chocolate is forgotten and nuts are on my mind and in heart!Lol). I love allll kinds of nuts. But my fav ones are Indian nuts. I think all nuts are the best if they are roasted. My mom just roasted all kind of different nuts in the oven. Delicious! <3


Shawny + snow = shnowny ;)

I took some photos of snow for Shawny, just as she wanted:)


Love isn't a big thing, it's a million little things.

I had a lovely weekend with J. It was so good to just be and do nothing. I could get used to it!
I went to an art museum with Liis on Friday. It was quite interesting there. We are sure now that few centuries ago painters either didn't see the difference between a man and a woman, were blind or just didn't know how to put the differences of a man and a women into art. And all women looked the same too. Interesting!
After the visit to the museum, i went to J's work office. He had to work a bit time and then we went to have a late lunch. We planned to go home by 7:20pm train, but we managed to miss it, so we ended up arriving at 10:30pm (it happens awfully lot lately).
On a train. I'm lovin' the lollipop J gave me :D

Thankfully we had no plans for Saturday (except Lizanna's 7th Pink Birthday!). J bought a pink shirt extra for that occasion! I was wearing my fav hot pink heels, black leggings (my current fav ones from Zara) and pink shirt. Birthday was fun:) J bought me my fav flowers - tulips. He said that it's Lizanna's birthday, but his Princess deserves flowers too. He's such a sweetheart! He and his big heart! Love him <3

Little things make my day shine!

Yesterday (Sunday) was nice too. I went to Tallinn with J and dad by car. Dad went to Finland, so the car stayed with me. J and i had a lunch at Lido and then we went to the movies to watch Just Go With It. Gosh, it was such a funny movie. I seriously haven't laughed so much for a long time. It was just really cute and hilarious :D
After the movie i drove back home. J had to stay in Tallinn coz he met up with his friend, did a little work stuff, went to bed and had to go to work very ealry this morning. I hope he can rest when he comes back tonight!:) Whenever he's away i miss him so much! It's just crazy. I love when he's with me. Even if he's in the other room watching tv or working while im doing my uni stuff. It's just such a great feeling knowing he's so near and i can just see his face and hear is voice whenever i want to!
"I may not hear every word you speak, but the sound of your voice is music to my ears."


Friday, February 18, 2011

buenos dias!

:) Oh, what a wonderful day! Sun is shining and i am happy. J is here, sleeping like a teddy-bear!
I slept in today morning so i'll go to Tallinn with the next train. I'm going to visit an art museum with Liis. Then i will spend the rest of the day with my J-handsome :)

You know what? I can't wait till the spring has arrived. I want to wear my converse, my new jacket..I am sick of the coldness, ice, coats, scarfs and gloves. I want to see my fav green spring grass! Thankfully i can already hear beautiful birds singing outside and sun is shining..but the snow seems not to melt so soon.
Right now i would like to drive a car through Europe. I truly hope one day i can do that! With J :)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

long week ahead..

I love Thursday nights..because there's no university on Friday! This week has been so crazy. So many classes as always, but also a lot of waiting.. and missing. I saw J on Tuesday after my dance practice. But he didn't come with me to Kohila coz he has to start to Tartu very early next morning. I was hoping he'd come here last night.. but their work took longer than they thought. And today he told he had to go to the dentist there coz somethign happened to his tooth.. My poor little guy! I was so sad when he told we might not see tomorrow the whole day either.. But thankfully he's coming here tonight( if nothing changes..but let's hope not!). I miss him so much. My sis asked me before how i always want to be with him, dont i get annoyed. How could i?! I love him, and i love every moment i can spend with him!!!!! :)
Anyway, im in the bed now, going to watch Pretty Little Liars from my laptop..and then i'll read the last 3 pages of an art book(then im done with it). And after that i try to sleep..and wait for J :)



Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day!

*cough-cough* I woke up today morning just to realize that it was 20 C degrees outside. Prrr. I was a good girl and even wore a hat..because i didn't want to get a cold. But now I am sneezing, fighting a runny nose and starting to cough in a very moment. It's not fun at all! I don't like being sick. Who does, tho?!
Anyway, i am so full right now. Let me explain why. So back to the beginning.
On Thursday night J came from Finland and he asked him dad to give him a lift. So, he came to my place for a night! It made me super happy (Thanks, J!). Next morning(on Friday) he went to work and i did all that i had planned ( i didn't go to my granny's tho :S). J came back here after his work was done( by the last train; mom and i had a car crises.. J came and solved the problem! Thanks again, J!). He was so anxious to give me somethong for the V-day already. I got the box of my absolute favorites candies! Delicious:)
Saturday was just soooo good. No planes. The whole day at home. Me gusta! (Only a bit of walking to the shop and back). J and I watched a movie, did our school/work stuff and so on. You have no idea how much i enjoyed a weekend without going out or keeping an eye on a clock. It was so relaxing!
Sunday mornign was so special! It was me and J's 6 months anniversary. We layed in a bed pretty long. Then he told me to stay in bed for about half an hour more. He went to th kitchen and came back with the pasta with tunafish that he had cooked for me. Sooo sweet of him! We had the late breakfast together! And omg, the pasta was sooooo delicious. I loveeeed it!!!!:)
I also gave him a gift that i made for him. It was a scrapbook with the photos of both of us, also some quotes, texts, some cut out stuff and more. I hope he liked it! I made it with alllll my love:) In the evening i also gave him the little Valentine's Day gift. I had made him truffle candies:)
Today morning (Monday) i didn't want to make up. Mostly because i knew J had to go to Finland today :( Thankfully we went to Tallinn together by the same train. He walked me to the tram stop and when i got him he left. But then - surprise - he jumped on the tram too! What a surprice. A Veryyyy good one! I'm glad i got to be with him few minutes longer till the next stop! Then i had to take the bus and go to uni. He went to work.
Uni was fun! On my way back in the train i talked to J on the phone almost the whole time. Yay! Then in Kohila i went to my granny's with my family. And now i am back at home. I just had a dinner (pasta that J made me!). It's just so so good! He's a great cook. O'boy, i miss him!!!!!!!!!!
I can't wait to see him! Thankfully he comes back tomorrow, but then on Wednesday he goes to work to another city, so we probably won't see each other. But i really hope we can be together in the weekend!

Minu sasipea! J-handsome :)

Love is in the air <3

PS! I am talking to Sharon. She's inviting me to her place for next Christmas. I can't wait to see her..and Shawny :):):):)


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A quicky.

Days fly by so fast. Not so happy about it..unless these are the days when J is away. Which means right now i like to see days flying. Fortunately, tomorrow's Thursday and J comes back. Yay big time! University is though as always. I love going there (mostly because of my friends), but right now im overloaded with home assignments and i have no idea where to start. (I'll figure it out this weekend). I already made a lonnnnnggg list of things i need to get done with on Friday! Thank God, Firdays are off!
I am planning to go to visit my granny on Friday, too. It's so bad of me that i see my Tallinn granny more often than the one who lives in the same town as i do :/ It's just that i spend most of my days in Tallinn and if i'm at home, i study, watch tv-shows(LOL) or something else that seems to be important at that moment. But i try to be better grandchild. I'll call her tomorrow and ask if she and grandpa will be home on Friday. I need to go to my mom's work, too. And maybe to the library(again!).
Ohhhh, tomorrow's gonna be a longgg day. After uni i have dancing. Gosh, i love dancing. It's my no.1 passion. But the new dance we are learning is pretty hard. I need knee protections, but i forgot to i don't know what i will do in tomorrow's dancing. I deffo can't lean into my knees (we have that in our dance moves). PS! We are learning dance moves from NeYo video "Beautiful Monster".
OKAY! Enough, Sandra!!!!!It's 10.57pm and i need to wash and then go to bed..with my laptop to watch Hellcats:D Ouuyeeesss=D Night!


Monday, February 7, 2011

raspberry jam thief!

Okay, it's very crazy. Mom went to the drama class. Me and my sis were home alone. Upstairs. Around 9pm i heard Bonnie(our dog) barking. Finally he was quiet again. Mom came back and asked who had eaten jam so everything was messy and stick with jam. I said i didn't, Anni said she didn't either. None of us ever went to the kitchen to eat anything..especially raspberry jam. We both swore to God we didn't touch it. But who did??? Mom said she finished cleaning kitchen just before she went to the drama class. And she came back to face the mess. It's very strange. :S The only solution we came up to was that Lizanna came here without us knowing and she wanted a raspberry jam. Yesterday she ate here strawberry jam and told it was her favorite. So, it can be possible that today she came here to eat the same strawberry jam, but she found only raspberry one. But 9pm?! Isn't that too late? I asked Merikan if Lizanna came here today, she said no. But i should have asked if Lizanna was playing outside tonight..Maybe Merikan just didn't know she came here. It's very weird. We gotta lock the doors at day time now too. And im definitely going to check downstairs every time Bonnie barks ;)
Hopefully tomorrow we can ask from Lizanna if she came over here :P


a better day!

Everything is good again. Thank God for that. I don't know what i would do without J. I love him too much to loose it over some stupid reason. Yeah, that's what it was yesterday. A fight over a stupid thing. I truly hope nothing like that never happens again. There's no point in fighting. We want to be together. So, we should just enjoy each other's company and not complaint or fight.
I am very happy right now:)
Only sad thing is that J is going to Finland and won't come back until Friday. I am gonna miss him. But i know it's all worth waiting for. I can be with him soon again! Love,


Sunday, February 6, 2011

to see a rainbow you must face the rain!

I went to Tallinn yesterday and had such a great time with J. Yesterday and today were perfect. I hadn't had so great time for a long time. But of course good things don't last forever. Sad, but true. I admit it was all my fault. And i regret these turning 10 minutes of today evening. I ruined everything. I can't say it was 100% my fault because J definitely had a part of it. He just asked why i was suddenly so strange and what was wrong..i said nothing(tho maybe i really was a bit moody or whatever). But i told i was okay (and i really planned to BE one..i was thinking there's no point to runi the life with my mood..but just when i thought that, he told he's not coming to the train until i tell him what's wrong). So, we had about 7 minutes. I was in the train, he was standing outside the train. He asked, but i begged him to come in. And then the train doors closed :( It hurt me so much, that he chosed to stay outside and not to trust me if i said i was okay. I hoped he would appreciate my decision not to talk about it (because there was nothing to talk about). I sat in the train tears falling. I knew i couln't go home without him..or at least talking to him. So, i called him and told im coming off at the next stop. We met in the Old Town. He was obviously mad/sad/disappointed. And he told that he didn't want to be with a girl who is moody. O'boy that hurt. But the thing is that not only I am mood, he is too! And the other night he was moody and stange and i saw sth was wrong, i asked, but he said it was nothing. I asked again, but he told me to forgot. And i DID! Why couldn't he do the same today when i told i was okay?? Anyway, he told that in the last month we have fight so much. He asked what were we going to celebrate on 13th Feb(our 6 months anniversary)... a month of fighting?! I was thinking: no, 6 months of being together, working through all the fights and still loving each other.
When he told me that he couldn't be with a girl like me(with moods) it hurt me a lot. I knew he was thinking of breaking up with me. Gosh. How can it be so easy for him? I mean, he says he loves me and cares of me, he makes me feel like a princess. And i believe him. But then in the next second he's so ready to break up our relationship. Doesn't it matter to him at all? Don't I matter? I can't imagine even thinking of breaking up with him. I can be mad at him, i can be disappointed or sad.. But whatever i am feeling, i am never thinking of ending our relationship. Because i love him. And i really mean it. J told me todya that sometimes you must leave even if you love someone. I could dump him only if he cheated. I love him and i truly believe that if we are together and care of each other we can go through everything, sickness and health, fights and all that. But i don't see into his mind and i don't know what he's thinking or feeling. I just wished he didn't give up on our realtionship so easily. I think it's worth fighting for. The other day we watched a movie and one man told there to a woman who had constant fights with her exboyfriend: If i had had fights like that with my exwife i would be still together with her. It has a point. Who has a relationship without fights? I don't know any. If there weren't a rain how could we apreciate a sun? If we have sun forever we take it for granted. The same about realtionships.
Anyway, to continue, we went back to the trailway station and were waiting for the next train. We sat and didn't talk much. I saw he was thinking of something. He asked what's next. I told that if he didn't want to be with me then there's nothing i could do. And after awhile he told he has nothing else to tell me, and stood up and left.. Gosh, that hurt me more than anything. I cried. I'm too emotional i know, but i can't help it :/ But it reallt hurt. I know he didn't do it on purpose, but sometimes i think how can people who you love hurt you so much. And how can people who tell they love you hurt you so much?!
I didn't want to sit inside and cry there, so i went out. J was there. Oh boy how much i wanted to hug him and make things go back to normal. But i know it was too late. Be we talked. I asked if that was it. He told me to tell him. I told that i didn't want to break up with him. I have never wanted it. I love him. And i am glad that this is one thing he knows for sure, that i love him. I think i have told this to him enough times, and every time i have said it i have meant it.
He asked what did i think if we could get pass it, could we work things out. I believed we could. It's all up to us. If we really want then everything is possible. He came to the train with me. I had no idea if he was inteniding to leave or not. I wished he didn't. He stayed with me. But i didn't know if he did this because he felt he had to, or because he was sorry for me, or because he really wanted to. I don't know. And i guess i won't be so sure for a long time. How can i be sure all he tells me if true. That he loves me for example. One second he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, and then in the next second he's talking about breaking up with me. And if he really don't break up with me and only talks about it then it seems like he wants to hurt me on purpose because he knows how much it hurt me. I don't know. All i know is that i love him and i want to be with him. I hope he feels the same.
When he "broke up" with me i was thinking of the past and the future. We have shared so amazing 6 months(at leats for me they have been amazing). Yesterday and today before that moody thingy was so perfect. I didn't want to end our relationship because of my moods. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know what i would do. I love him too much!
Anyway, we came to Kohila, went to the shop and now are at my place, in the bed, going to watch a movie soon. He's going to Finland tomorrow. I truly hope with all my heart that things can go back to as they were. I miss that. And i give a promise to be a better girlfriend. Whenever i ever feel moody i will think back to today's incident and i hopefully it will remind me of something. I think everythig happens for a reason. So maybe today was a reminder for both of us that there's no point in fighting without a big reason. I learned for today that we live just once and i try to take maximum from every single day!

With love,


Saturday, February 5, 2011

Not very excited about today. Every time J parties after that he's so weird. Like he doesn't care of anything. Not sure he even wants to see me today... He says he does, but doesn't sound so honest. I don't know. Unfortunately i don't see into his mind. All i hope for is that i won't regret seeing him tonight. I definitely don't want to fight.
PS! I was right. He partied till morning and didn't make it to his granny's. What a sweet grandchild he is, isn't he?

friendship and more:)

I feel Valentines Day in the air. I am totally ready to face it. Today i posted three gifts to my friends abroad. And i also finished a video for Elisa for V-day. All the gifts to my other friends are waiting in my drawers too. Oh, i love that beautiful time of the year!:) In USA and most of other countries Valentine's Day is mostly meant for couples. But i am so happy in Estonia it's called Friend's Day. So, either you have or don't have a boy/girlfriend at that time, it doesn't matter at all. This is my first time to celebrate V-day when i have a bf:) Sweet!
Okay, a little bit of my recent doings. Uni started on Monday and i already have SO much to do. The subjects seem very interesting this semester, but we've got a lot of projects and home assignments to do. I hope i can stay focused on all the work that needs to get done. Right now it's weekend and im trying to rest a bit too. I couldn't fall alseep very well last night. I was just laying on my bed and thinking and wishing i could sleep, but i didn't. Finally about 4am i fell asleep, and i woke up at 11am. Thank God it's a weekend!=)
I got a nice surprise today! (i LOVE surprises more than anything!). I got a late Christmas gift from Sharon. I got my fav dutch cookies and strawberry bodybutter from The Body Shop. It's my totally fav body products brand. I love it. I didn't have the strawberry one, so i very love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
I am going to have lunch very soon. Dad's making my fav food - ovenbaked salmon with potatoes. And mom's making super delicious cake. I love weekends and lunches/dinners with my family!
I wonder what J is doing right now. I am not brave enough to call him because i have a strange feeling he's still sleeping (though he should be at his granny's). It wouldn't surprise me if he partied too hard and didn't make it there. I guess i'll hear about it later! Well, as long as he had fun yesterday!=)

I am posting here one of my favorite painting by A. Harlamoff.
The Pink Bonnet