home & love

I had a very nice time with Elise the other day. We went to the movies to see Breaking Dawn. It was my second time to watch it. It was so good to catch  up and to talk about these few months we hadnt seen each other. We went back to Kohila together and I stayed there for 2 days. I have realized that Kohila is a very nice place and I love going there, but it's not the same as it used to be. I have a home in Tallinn now. Home with Jay. If I am in Tallinn I feel much closer to Jay, even if he's not here but at work. But yesterday in Kohila i only kept thinking about him, and i missed him sooo much! I couldnt wait to get back to Tallinn! Most of my belongings are also in Tallinn apartment. My room in Kohila is still very sweet to me, but it's  somehow different. But i love the warmth in there and i love my pets. Bonnie slept in my bed both nights. I loved it!!!!!!!!!! And it was nice to talk to mom about everything and nothing at the same time.

I came home today, back to Tallinn. I cleaned the apartment and finished reading the book "The Love Verb". I absolutely love this book. When i was reading it in Kohila yesterday, it made me so sad. Because it is a sad book. It's about loss. But even more it's about friendship, hope, life and love. I truly reccomend it to everybody. The author says that the main message in the novel is to remember to show the people you love that you love them. Not only to say, but to show it!!!

The bonus of this book is that every chapter end with a recipe! ;) Delicious foods I must say!

Well, i'll post the cover of the book here too!

Jay is coming home tonight! I am going to make him a dinner and for dessert some pancakes!

I can't wait to be with him and tell and SHOW him how much i love him!!!

Christmas 2011

Christmas Eve morning was CRAZY! But it all worked out well. Jay and I caught a train to Kohila and spent a nice Christmas Eve there. We had a family over there and had a Christmas dinner. Everybody read poems and got presents from Santa :)
We took a lot of photos. The next day we slept pretty long, then Jay and i went to Merikan and Janar's place. Guys played playstation of course!
Today we came back to Tallinn, had a lunch at Lido and went to the foodshop. Then we were just at home, laying on the bed, watching tv and reading books :) It was so good to be together doing nothing! But being together! Now Jay went to Finland. He must work for 3 days. He's coming back on 29th already!
I am going to the movies with Elise tomorrow. And then I am going to Kohila for two days. I'll be back in Tallinn by the time Jay comes home;)

Merry Christmas :)

yesss!

Yay! Jay is on the way home. They were on time, which means he arrives to Estonia at 7:30pm :) I am going to the harbour to meet him and then we'll go to buy some food. Oh, the ship arrives in hour and 20 minutes, but I am so bored, so I suppose I am going to change my clothes and start slowly walking to the harbour. I can't wait to see my Prince!

I took this cute photo of Chuch today! He's sleeping like a baby!

Fingers crossed!

I just called Jay to talk to him. I knew he finished his job about 20 minutes ago. Anyway, I called him and he said that he's on the railway station.. i was like: ALREADY? He said he's trying to go to an earlier ship :) So, if he can make it he'll be home 7:30pm instead of 10pm :) Yay! I am super HAPPY! But, it's not sure yet that he can make it there on time. So, right now i keep my fingers crossed and hope that Christmas angels are making it all happen and Jay arrives home earlier than first planned! I really miss my sweetheart!

22th Dec

The best thing about me is YOU. I heard this saying today and I really like it. I feel I can relate to it. Jay brings the best out of me, me fulfills my life. He's a huge part of who I am.

The closer Christmas come the happier and excited I get. I know some people don't like nor appreciate Christmas. Maybe they just don't see it the way most of us does. Or the way I do. For me Christmas isn't about the gift. For me it's an amazing holiday. We don't have to work, we have our days off to be with the one with love, with our family or friends, our pets or our children...whoever we want to be with. It's even more perfect if it's snowy outside. Christmas is time to take your time out, not to worry, and just relax and have fun. Every Christmas I realise how happy I am to have all these people in my life. I appreciate all I have. And Jay is my Christmas angel :) My everything. My life wouldnt be the same without him. To be honest, i can't imagine my life without him at all!!!!

Today I watched a tv show and there someone said that if you want your true love and passion in your relationship to stay, you both must work for it. You both must do extraordinary things sometimes. You can't live in the rutine only. Because sooner or later you start seeking more... outside your relationship. I'll never let that happen to me and Jay. I want our passion to last forever! And if we work for it, it won't fade away!

Jay is coming home tomorrow at 10pm. I'll give him to his Christmas gifts at midnight! I hope he'll like these :)

I miss him! I am so glad I can spend another Christmas with him! And i truly hope I can spend every following Christmas with him!!!!! I am planning to stay with him forever. I am always here for him! Always&forever!

I want snow

It's so dark already! Jay was up all nighyt (coz he was sleeping at day time)..So, when i woke up in the morning he fell asleep. Nice huh? But he's dad came over so he had to force himself to wake up. I am going to make a dinner soon i hope. I'm so hungry. I have been eating 2 chocolate cakes today! O'boy! It's so good!!!!!!!! Anyway, I better read a book and try to think positive!

I want snowy Christmas, warm cozy home and see my pets Bonnie, Tikker and Muffin. I miss these guys! Don't you worry, guys, I'm coming home for Christmas!:) I can't believe it's only 4 more days till Christmas. I cannot wait. Jay is going to Finland tonight and coming back on 23rd Dec night. And then next day we'll go to Kohila :):):):)

Mission Impossible

Yeah, today i thought it was impossible to get Jay out of bed. He was sooo tired. But he woke up just before i got the dinner ready. So, we had dinner, watched tv and decided to go to the movies to see Mission Impossible 4. Wow! It was such an amazing movie! After the movie we walked home (but before that we stopped by at McDonald's ... Jay was hungry). Anyway, I am totalllllly loving that chocolate cake that Jay got for Christmas from his work. It's just delicious. I could eat it forever :) Too bad it's so late ( 0:12am) because i would love to have a piece of that cake right now. But i better wait till morning! Perfect breakfast! Anyway, I am going to watch one episode of How I Met Your Mother and then i'll read a book and off to bed. Night!

Homey

Jay came home on Monday (yesterday). It was soooo good to see him and to hold him. He got a christmas gift from his work. He got three HUGE chocoate cakes (so yummiiee!), then he got 16 packaces of frozen pies with jam ( i made two griddles of these yesterday! really good!) and he also got about 6 packs of cannelonis and a pack of rice. AND my favorite - a cake pan, a silicon cake pan ( a shape of star) and 6 silicon muffin plates. Something for me! Now i can bake a lot! haha:)

Anyway, yesteday i made cannelonis with minced meat and then later we went to have a dinner out at Lido and then we went to the foodshop and back at home. We were both so tired. Especially Jay. He fell asleep at 8:30pm...and he woke up today morning at 10am. He was awake for about 2 hours and he's asleep again. Poor guy. He's so tired of work! I hope he wakes up soon though.

I watched The Hard of Dixie and How I Met Your Mother. I guess I'm going to read a book now.

heavy morning

It's almost 10am. I woke up about 20 minutes ago, had a breakfast. Now i am getting myself ready. I look awful. I have swollen eyes and they are soooo heavy i can hardly keep them open. They really look so awful :S I don't have a mood to go dancing actually. But dancing is my passion and I dont want to let anyone to ruin that for me. So, I try to find my energy and my positive self and enjoy the show. I better forget everything else...I need to concentrate to myself for once. But to be honest, my mind is travelling around. I am scared of the thoughts I have. But things must change. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. We all deserve that!

S.B.

count down..

It's Saturday and I had the last lecture in university today (yeah school on Saturday). But i survived it. And what matters the most, is that I am on holidays now! No university until the second week of January (i have 3 exams then). But after the exams i have two more weeks of holiday! And on February starts the internship! Oh boy, it'll be a crazy time! I really need to rest, to relax and enjoy the holiday season. I feel so stressed and so weak. Some nights tears just roll out of my eyes without a reason. I am just weak. And I miss Jay! I really need him here! But there's only one full day between us. I am going to Practice Night tomorrow and on Monday morning Jay comes home! I cannot wait!!!!!!!!!

Oh, i want snowy winter, but i am starting to loose my hope. It's only raining :/ I need something to brighten my days. I need Jay (like i already mentioned). But yeah, I gotta be strong. Like I used to be. lotLately i feel so weak. When i was teenager i had some hard times until i had to fight with it. So, i found my inner strenght. I never know i was so strong. And I changed. I was always very positive, i was strong, i was totally enjoying my life. And I do so right now too! But lately i have felt like i am loosing my strenght. Maybe it's just because I feel a bit alone and I miss Jay a lot! But he's always with me - in my heart. I really want to hug him, to talk to him, and hear how much i mean to him. Sometimes i need it. I need it a lot. I need to know that no matter what he's always supporting and protecting me. Oh, I miss him! Counting hours till Monday morning!

Love always!

S.B.

The love of my life

I had a romantic walk with Jay yesterday! He showed me some beautiful places.

In the Old Town of Tallinn. My big snowman :)

In Sweden with Jay.

He's my everything!

And he makes me laugh! I am the happiest when he's around! <3

Little Jonathan

Like i mentioned in one of my earlier blogs my sister got a baby. So, i am an aunt now. Here is my little newphew Jonathan!

1 yr + 4 m

I can't believe its 13th December already. I remember that day a year ago. Then Jay and I celebrated our 4 months anniversary. Now it's one year and 4 months! Time flies. I must say that this year was so amazing. Every second with Jay is so amazing. He's so caring and sweet. He makes me happy!!!!

We went to Sweden on Saturday. The ship cruise was really fun, but i especially loved walking on Stockholm streets while holding hands with my love. The weather was so nice and there were so many Christmas fairs on the streets. We took a lot of photos too. We didn't buy much. BUT i got a Christmas gift from Jay! I know it's not Christmas yet, but it seems to become our tradition that Jay gaves me a Christmas gift before Christmas (he did that last year too!). He's not very fond of Christmas. But i really hope it'll change by time because i really love Christmas. It's my favorite season and i love celebration it. I like to decorate my home, buy cute Christmas gifts and just enjoy the peacful snowy time with the ones i love! And Jay is definitely the most important to me!

Well, so, what did i get from him for Christmas? I got a veryyyy beautiful gold ring and gold earrings that are perfect match for the ring! I love them <3 He actually let me pick them up to be sure i like them! :) So happy to have such a beautiful jewellery. And i am glad i got them from him coz they are now more meaningful to me!

So, what else. I am trying to study for geography test that's tomorrow while Jay is playing his computer games. He's really addicted to computer games! But i hope we'll have time for me today too since it's our special day. We actually got a new kitchen table and i really hope he can set it up today!

Another thing, i got a call from RAM school on Sunday. They wanted me to work there for one day, Wednesday. But sadly i had to refuse because i have geography test that day and a skiing lecture :( I really wanted to go, but hopefully next time!

Wow. Like i said it's 13th which means it's my last week in uni. Only 4 more days (yeah i have uni on Saturday too!). I have a dance performance on Sunday (PRACTISE NIGHT! yayyy!). We have a practice on Saturday evening too, i really hope i am able to go. It depends what time it is because i have to be in uni  till 4pm. Jay can't come to see the dance show, but that's okay. He's coming home the day after the performance, on 19th! I love December because we can be together a lot! :)

Okay, i think i really should try harder to study for tomorrow's test because right now it seems i am not studying at all. :P

S.B.

anything for you, my love

I would run a thousand mile just to be with you tonight

I would swim an ocean to see you and kiss you good night

I would die for you because you are my everything

you have given me the strongest wings

I can now fly and see the life around me

And i now know who i really want to be

If you are with me, i am complete and set

I still think of that sunny August day we met

I fell for you, and you let me fall

You came closer and distroyed the invisable wall

No longer there’s anything against us

Our magical world belongs to us

Forever i want to be with you

Remember, everything i do is for you

sooo close!

It's Thursday. University is over for this week (and only one week more and then it's a holiday!). I'll go to dance pracitce soon. We are practicing for our Christmas show Practice Night. It's on 18th Dec. We are performing with a dance from Ciara's video "Gimme dat". It's really powerful and full of energy! Love it!

Jay is coming  home tomorrow!!! I cannot wait! I have been counting the days. I really miss  him. I always do when he's away. He lightens my days! I need him here!

So, I'll cook for him tomorrow and then we are going to Kohila to visit my sister's baby boy and my friend's baby boy. Actually tomorrow at 5pm is a book presentation at Viru Shopping Center. The book is called "Minu Ameerika 3" (My America 3). I have the frist and second book and i really want to get the third one too. Too bad i can't go to the presentation, i would have loved to meet to author.

Anyway, i am really looking for me and Jay's Sweden trip. I hope it'll be very wonderful!

And gosh, Christmases are so close! But i am totally ready for it! I have done all  the Christmas shopping and i have decorated my room with Christmas stuff. I only need to make ginger cookies, but i'll do that next week ;)

I really love Christmas fairs where they sell handmade gifts. I have found so many amazing little gifts for my family already.

December is really my favorite month. I feel so peaceful because university is getting over, holiday is coming closer, all the places around the city are decorated with Christmas lights and it's snowing. And i feel that at Christmas time people have more time to look around themselves. At least i do. And i appreciate all i have! That's why i am really looking for spending the time with Jay at Sweden cruise, just the two of us! I love him so much! I really want this trip to be amazing. I am taking my camera to the trip too so we can take photos!

Oh, i so want it to be tomorrow already! I want to hold hands with my favorite person in the whole wide world - my lovely Prince.

New life!

I am an aunt now. My sister has a beautiful baby boy now - Jonathan :) I went to the hospital today to visit them. Jonathan is such a cute little boy! :) I got to hold him. Gosh, he's skin is soooo soft!!!!!!

Well, i went to the eye clinic today to run some tests. I just wanted to be sure that my eyes are good for the laser operation. I am not going to have it yet, but hopefully in the future. I seriously can't wait to get rid of classes and finally have the clear vision!!!!

I went to Finland on Friday morning. I couldnt wait to be with Jay. I really loved being with him. We stayed at my dad's place. I like the most that we laughed a lot and just had fun. I came back on Sunday. And the traffic was so bad so i missed my boat and had to come with the next one. Anyway, I think Jay and I both learned a lot from these days, especially from Sunday. We should appreciate each other more and show it out. We are going to a boat cruise to Sweden upcoming Saturday and i think it'll be good for us. We can be together away from everything and everybody. I truly hope this trip will be magical and good for our relationship. I love my Prince sooooo much!!!!!!!

I can't wait till Friday because Jay comes home then. I want to cook him something. And when we have had lunch, we are going to Kohila to visit little Jonathan! :)

last day of November

Autumn is so dark, so rainy, so windy. Sometimes it's moody. Without a real reason. I feel lack of energy right now. I feel myself complete only when i am with J.

I started thinking of why do people fight? Why do we say things we don't really mean? Do we really want to hurt each other on purpose?

Life is short. We should appreciate every second we are given. And we should think before we say. Because if we say, we can't take it back. All we can do, is to apologize. But why do we have to say these words at first place if we know we are going to regret them later on.

I made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes. I hope that the person we love the most, can see you deeper and knows you truly well, to apologize. Because like i said, everybody makes mistakes.

"Every moment without you, is a moment of time lost."

I cannot wait to go to Finland on Friday to see the love of my life! I miss him every second every day!

It's 1st December tomorrow. The beginning of my favorite month! It's also J's brother's birthday, he's turning 19 y.o. I made him a cake for tomorrow too ;)

School is slowly getting over. I don't have much to do anymore. O'boy it makes me feel good.

I can't wait when i am done and i can really enjoy Christmas. But more than that i want to have a good time with J. We are going to Sweden on 10th December. I hope it'll be a very wonderful trip. Just the two of us!

I can take the first chocolate from adventcalenders tomorrow (i have 3 calendars). I wish J was here. Or that i was there. I miss him so much!!!! I truly hope we can talk on skype today and i can see his pretty face and hear his sweet voice!

S.B.

3 days of J.

Oh, this week has been amazing, different, tiring, fun, full of smiling, yelling, hugging, teaching. I love being a teacher. The class where i was teaching was so good. They were great! They hugged me million times a day, in the class they were like angels (most of the time). They want to learn so much, they are so quick, they are so curious. They are fantastic! So, i am very glad i took this job for a week!
I was waiting for Thursday like crazy! I missed J so bad. When i came home from school yesterday, J was in the bed watching tv. I just jumped in and gosh, it was sooooo good just to hug him and hold him close. I missed it a lot. We went to have a lunch out and then we went to the movies to watch Happy Feet 2. It was so cute and sad. Yeah, i cried. More than once. After the movie,i headed to dance class and J went home. When i arrived home about 1,5 hours later, he was asleep. I decided to go to bed too and i watched tv. When i decided to turn the tv off and go to sleep to, he woke up and started watching tv. I was soo tired and i knew i had to wake up the next morning so i didnt join him watching tv (tho he watched it from our bed. lol). Anyway, today i had the last day at Rocca Al Mare school. It was quite sad to say goodbye to the students after the last class. But J was waiting me in front of the school building and that made me want to run out! :) We went shopping. I got two pairs of new boots. Yay! I needed them so bad! We also bought some Christmas gifts and food for home. We ended up carring too many bags so we had to take a taxi. At home he helped me to do one of my art work. I had to close my eyes and he instruct me where and how to move my oilpastels. I was drawing Little My from Moomin cartoon. The drawing ended up pretty cute. Lol.
Well, now J went out with his friends for couple of hours. I am watching tv (and blogging) and eating candies! The most important thing. I was craving for estonian candies today, so i bought some :) And now eating them!
Okay, Grey's Anathomy started. I better watch it ;)
Xo.

S.

hello, teacher here!

Hello, it's me again!
I have been a bit busy. First of all, when J was here last week, i had such an amazing time with him! Really! We went to the movies, went out for lunches and dinners. We just enjoyed the time together. We also bought a new TV. So we have a TV in our bedroom now, yay!
Anyway, when J left i was sad, but he's coming home on Thursday already! I cannot wait!
This week i am working at Rocca Al Mare school. I am teaching 1.a grade there because their teacher is ill. So, i can be a teacher for a whole week! So awesome! Today was my frist day and oh i was soooo tired when i eventually got home. But then i did mu uni stuff and waited for J to come to skype. We talk on skype every day(or night). I am a bit hurt by what he said to me. it's nothing serious tho, but it feels like i am trying to do good, but for him it mean nothing and is more bad than good. But i am doing it for him, for both of us, for our home. Not for myself only. I want things to get ready fast because we had a hope the apartment would be ready for Christmas. And i really want it to happen. So, that's why i may be a little rushing into things and i am being a bit pushy. I am sorry. But sometimes i just wish that he wants these things too, not only me.
Oh well, it's not the end of the world tho. After talking to him, i just started thinking about why do i even try so hard and want it to be homey and nice. We dont even live her together, just the two of us. His brother lives with us too. But still. Everything is almost ready. But nothing gets ready without an action!

Okay, enough of my midnight vent. I am so tired! And i soooo miss J! I want to be with him and i hope the kitchen table is nice and he likes it. I guess i can't get it out of my head now. I hope i can at least sleep well at night not like last night when i couldnt fall asleep.

Night!

PS! I love you, J!

Family day

It was a nice day tomorrow. My family (mom, dad and both sisters) came to my apartment to pick me up. Then we went to have a lunch together. It was so good to just eat out and talk. All of us together. After the lunch we went to the movies to watch "One day". It was a good movie. Maybe it seemed without a real interesting storyline, but actually it was a deep movie and made you think of the value of life. It was a moving story with an unhappy ending. A tragedy. But there was also a lot of laugher. A good movie.

Now i am back at home. Today morning i cleaned the whole apartment. So, when i came back from the movies then it was so good to come home to a clean apartment :) I took a shower, colored my nails, watched Gossip Girl and Hart of Dixie. Then i ate mandarins, listened to music, did some workout and talked to Shawny on the skype. I think now i am going to bed to read a book and then sleep (although i am not sleepy yet). I just want tomorrow to come quicker! I miss J! I want it to be tomorrow. I want to see him, i want to kiss him, i want to be with him! I miss him so bad! So, i realllly want it to be tomorrow already! And that means the night must pass. And it passes quicker if i sleep ;)

Well, i am better off to bed now.

Night! (it's 9:07pm)

sooo close!

I have been counting the days and finally Sunday is so close. Tomorrow's Saturday and I am going to the restaurant and to the movies with my parents and sister tomorrow to celebrate Father's Day. Although it's on Sunday. But dad goes to work on Sunday. Oh, Sunday, dear Sunday. I have been waiting for it so long! J comes home on Sunday. And it's our little anniversary, we have been 1 year and 3 months together! Happy days! The happiest! I cannot wait to see his beautiful face, hear is voice, see him laughing and hold him tight next to myself. I miss him so much it hurts!

7 days

I am counting day's till J comes home again! 7 more days! And we can't even talk to skype all that time because he doesn't have a laptop right now. I miss him so much!!!! But thankfully we can call and send text messages! I love my Prince so much and i really want him to come back home already! I need to spend time with him!

I am at my parents' place right now. I wanted to come here for the weekend so the time would pass quicker. That's what i hoped at least. But i am not so sure about it anymore. Well, i am going back to Tallinn tomorrow. On Monday i'll be busy with uni again and so is the rest of the week.

But i am going to read a book now.

Xo.

Missing you!

So hard again! J left back to Finland yesterday. And i am so extremely sad again! It's really hard to be away from someone you love. I envy these couples who can see each other and be together every day! I really value it! And i dream of that life. I keep dreaming that one day it's possible for me and J too. That we go to bed together at night and wake up next to each other EVERY morning! This is my biggest ridream! And i do everything for it to be come true! I have realized lately that no job or no other thing is more important than love. My life for J is the biggest and he's always in the first place in my life!

J bought me an amazing book few days ago. It's called If You Could See Me Now. It's written by Cecelia Ahern - my very favorite bookwriter! All her books are so amazing. Few weeks ago J bought me The Gift (also written by Cecelia Ahern). I have her other books too and today i visited her website and saw that her new book is coming out on 1st December! It's called The Time Of Our Lives. I can't wait to read it. I have all her books right now, except two books of short stories. I hope to get these too. But i guess i must order these because i haven't seen them at our bookshops.

Well, i just colored my finger nails and what i noticed - my nail polish bottle is almost empty. Few years ago i had so many nail polishes and they never ended. Usually they just got old. But recently i have only few favorites that i use a lot and now i see one of my fav purple nail polishes is ending! Wow! It's the first time my nail polish bottle gets empty before it gets old.

Oeh. I am waiting for J to come to skype... wait..there he is :) Yaya! I better go and talk to him now!

the world of tastes

I have been reading some of my fav foodblogs for the last 2 hours i think. I love cooking and i love healthy food. I promised myself that when i am moving in with J i´ll try out some new recipes and cook more heatly food, the ones i like. But to be honest i couldnt imagine how much time cooking actaully takes and how expensive is good food. But i still want to give myself a promise to try out something new every week. At least once a week and if i am good i try to blog about it. And i give myself another promise too, if J is home i really try to be a good girlfriend and house"wife" and cook dinners! I want to try out some interesting recipes! :) Cant wait! I also decided that whenever we do go eat out i´ll always try something new. There are so many wonderful meals and wonderful tastes in the world, i want to try as much of them as possible!

Anyway, as i was reading different blogs, i started thinking of Christmas. I am so looking forward to it! I am right now in Finland and i found the most amazin Christmas decoration lights!!! So many beautiful and not so expensive at all! I know J is not very excited about Christmas, but he promised to let me have a Christmas tree and decorations! I am so happy. I want our home to be cozy and Christmasy! :) I cant wait to bake gingercookies and have loads of mandarines! Yum! I also cant wait till our apartment is totally ready! There isnt much to do anymore, but sometimes seems that little things take the longest. I just hope everything gets ready by Christmas! But to be honest, i cant wait till J and i have our very own home! But i know, we are young and we have no rush! But still..

Oh, thinking about home. I miss Mister Chuck. I wonder how is he doing. J´s brother is looking after him!

I found a recipe of a that delicious soup that i definitely want to try to cook too! It is perfect for cold dark autumn night! Warm and tasty dinner!

change of plans

Yesterday night was so crazy! Js work was supposed to end at 11pm and i wanted to go walk there to meet him half way. So i did. But i walked and walked, time passed, but there was no J. :( It was pretty dark so i get a bit scared too. Then i just turned around and started walking back home because it was so late already and J wasnt anywhere. He was waiting me near my dads house, quite angry. He thought i went back to Estonia with my dad. How silly! I wouldnt go away without telling him, besides i would never leave him like that! He was quite mad even though all i wanted to do was to surprise him by going to meet him half way. But came out his workmate drove him home. They had to pass me by car, but none of us saw each others :/ Anyway, but its okay now. J had calmed down and so am i. J told his boss told he can work on Sunday too if he wants, so we are not going home tomorrow, but on Monday morning with the very first ship! I will miss math class tho :/ I hope its okay.

Okay, i am going to watch Hart of Dixie and then E! channel! There are soooo many awesome shows like Keeping up with the Kardashians and Kendra and Coco and Ice and soooo much more! I love E! channel!

S.

quicky

Whoa! Its Friday already! I have managed to get done quite much of my school work ;) My dad went to Estonia today so i am alone at his place in Finland right now. I am waiting till Js work finishes. Then we can be together :) He must work tomorrow too and then on Sunday we are going to Helsinki and then home to Estonia :)

Oeh, i am pretty tired! I am going to have a cup of tea and watch a movie or something :) I think i will download The Hart of Dixie. I love that tv series!!!!!

PS! I love autumn! So colorful! So cold!

with my J

Hellooo again! Sandra is happy. So very happy. Why? Because i can be with my Prince every single day. Even though we can spend only the night and the morning together till he goes to work by 3pm, i am still so happy. I just love the feeling of knowing every day that i can see my honey and sleep next to him and wake up still next to him. He's my treasure, my gift! And i am keeping him close to my heart and sole forever!

So, today we woke up before 10am. We had a breakfast and watched tv a bit and then took a bus to the city center. We bought a birthday gift for my dad a little bit more. J bought me two chocolate calendars. I KNOW! I am very childish at that point, but i love chocolate calendars. It's a tradition that my family has always followed. And even though i am not a child anymore, i want to have a chocolate advent calendar every December even when im 50 y.o :D We'll see about that :P
Anyway, he bought me one normal one, where you have just a little piece of chocolate behind every window you are opening. But the other calendar is wayyyy bigger and the treats you have behind every window are way sweeter! For example there are M&M candies, snickers, mars, twix, milkyway, bounty and so on. Yummie stuff! ;)
For there who don't know what a chocolate advent calendar is then i put here a photo of it ;) In this photo all the windows are opened, but actually you open one every day!

So good to be!

J is at home and i am having the best time! We have gone to the movies and just out for dinners:) Today we are going to swimming to Kalev SPA and later in the evening we're going to Kohila for the weekend. And on Monday we're going to Finland for a week.
It's so great that J is at home and we can be together. It's always so fun and i just like to be with him, i don't care what we are doing. Just knowing he's here is the best feeling ever!
You never believe how much chocolate J bought me!  SOOO much! Now chocolate is my food for months :D haha.
Yesterday he surprised me by buying me a book called "The Gift" (by Cecelia Ahern). I had eyed it on a bookstore for a long time. Cecelia Ahern is my very favorite writer and all her books are soo interesting! So I'm super happy that i have this book now!
I have been quite sick last few days. I have got cold and it sucks. Two nights ago J woke up about 4am and so did i coz i felt so bad. And J cooked me an early breakfast at 5am :) Ommlet! It was so delicious :) And then around 7am he went to buy me some medicine coz we had none at home and i wasnt feeling the best.
O'boy how lucky i am to have J in my life! He treats me like a princess. And i give my best to treat him like a Prince, because that's who he is! My Prince Charming :)

:)

Whiii! First of all, i watched Gossip Girl and The Lying Game! O'boy how cool episodes these were! Crazy!!!!!!=D
And today was such a nice day. I went to Rocca Al Mare school to give two classes because the teacher was sick. It was so much fun! I love being a teacher :)
And today i also cleaned the kitchen ;) And i made a cake for J (i hope he's not reading it because the cake is supposed to be a surprise!). I really am looking forward to seeing him! I wanna hug and kiss him and never let him go. He's my sun, my stars, my moon. My world! I love him so much that!!!!! And i am so happy. I am going to bed a big smile on my face. My honey is coming home tomorrow!:)

Monday

I am soooo disappointed right now! And mad. I even don't know why i take it so seriously, but c'mon. I don't understand people who talk, talk, talk, but don't DO anything! If you promise to do something, then do it. You have 3 weeks, but you decide to do it in the last minute and then too you think it would be better to wait.. Wtf? Ugh, i am so frustrated. I only want good. I want the best. I wish i lived here alone coz by now the kitchen would be ready! I wouldnt have to wait for the people who promise to do something, but they don't. I really wanted everything to be ready by the time J comes home. I wanted him not to worry about kitchen anymore, i wanted it to be done. Ugh!
But it's not up to me. I gave my best. Today i cleaned the apartment and i am ready for J to come home. I miss him so much!!!!! I cannot wait to see and be with him!
I very hope that we can spend a lootttt of time together. That's the one reason i wanted kitchen to be ready, so he wouldnt have to spend time on that. He needs to rest and he comes home so seldom. I want him to come to his beautiful home where things have got some turns and actions. But no.
I am sorry. But like i said, i can't do anything about it. All i can do is to welcome J with my kisses :)

If you love someone, tell them. Because sometimes people forget!

I'm sorry

Sometimes i hate myself. Because i ruin all the good i have. And the second i do it i wish i could turn the time back.
I just wish you are more forgiving and that you don't always cut me off and leave my alone. You always do that. Leave me alone. :( And it hurts a lot. You promised not to do that. You promised to stay with me no matter what, even if you are mad at me.
I know it's my fault, but i am sorry and i ask for your forgiveness. I want to talk to you!
I love you!

my destiny

"When I'm weak, I draw strength from you, and when you're lost, I know how to change your mood. And when I'm down, you breathe life over me. And even though we are sometimes miles apart, we are each other's destiny."

I am waiting you home, my Prince!

new day

Though last night i wasn't the happiest, things got turns! Two hours later i was smiling and i got to sleep well :) Oh, it was sooo good to sleep! Every morning i have had to wake up so early to go to university, but today my class starts at 12:15pm so i got to sleep longer. It felt soooo good!!!!!! :)
I just had a breakfast, but i am still craving for something. Maybe for a muesli with milk? Yessss :)

I sooooooo hope that by the end of today we finally have a sink and water in our kitchen!!!! Fingers crossed!

thirteen

13. It's just a number for some of us. But for me it means so much. It's a magical number for me! And every month on 13th i hope it to be a very good day, a perfect day. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's not. And it's not always up to me how the day turns out to be. But i always try to make it a very special and just a beautiful day. Today was fine. Okay. The day isn't over yet, but i doubt it'll change anything.
I just wish i could go to bed my head full of happy thoughts and that i would feel complitely happy. Right now my head if full of different thoughts. And it's not the best thing. So, the day didn't turn out to be so magical afterall.

Good night!

Let's wait for next 13th :)

My Everything!

Dark autumn :/

Oh! I don't know what's wrong with me! I have a good life, the best man next to me. But i am still sad. I think it's because of the darkness of autumn. Of course i feel a bit lonely because J isn't here. But we talk every day on skype! It makes me happy. But still, i must get over this bad/sad mood. I need energy and i want to smile just like most of the time i do. I sometimes think too much and it makes me sad. But i forgot to appreciate what i have. I am sorry. Because deep in my heart i am the most happiest girl on planet, because i have J in my life!!! I can't wait till 19th October when he's coming home. It'll be so special day for me because this time i am missing him more than i have ever done and i sooooo want to see him and be with him already!!!!!!

Okay, my promise for this dark and rainy autumn: I wake up with a big smile on my face and i'll keep it on my face the whole day. And i promise to find something optimistic from every bad situation. I promise to be happy and positive like i used to be. :)

Mister Chuck

I took Mister Chuck home today! He's adorable. Everything is very new for him so he's walking around and he's so curious. He also slept for a long time and now he's full of energy. It's 10:45pm and to be honest i would like to go to bed soon. But i am not sure he's letting me sleep. We'll see :P

I talked to J on skype before and he saw our little Chuck too :) J seemed to like him a lot. It makes me so happy! It's our little kitten :)

sooo cute!

I went to visit the kittens. They were soooo cute! And you have no idea how small they were. So small! Of course i had to choose one which i would like to take home with me on Friday. It was so hard. But i chose the one that i saw first, he was different coz he was sitting on a cat-tree and just looking at me when i first stepped in. The owner said he's the one who likes to be on your lap a lot and wants to be be hold a lot. He also wants to come to your bed at night. Perfect for me when i am alone. I justhope i can give him the best home possible! By the way, he doesn't have a name yet. I need to talk to J and decide how we are going to call our little kitten :)

That's our cutie!

You are the reason I smile!

Oh i just have to write here. I need to share my happiness with someone. I am sooo happy! :) I just am. So so happy! I am shining and smiling and oh i want everybody to know how happy i am! And there's only one reason for that. One amazing, caring, handsome, tall, cute and loving reason - Jay! He's my everything. My reason to be who i am. I smile every time i think of him. I dream of him every day and night! It's so hard to be away from him, but it's better than not having him in my life at all. I am counting days till he's coming back home! I need him! Love, oh, love. It's a beautiful feeling. He is the love of my life and makes my life perfect! I have never been happier than i am right now. I am so grateful for what i have!

Just a little reminder...

I hope you know that You are the BEST! I have nothing to regret. I love everything you have given me. Everything you have done for me. You have made my dreams come true. Don't you ever forget that you mean everything to me!

I wish...

I wish there were Santa Clauses in autumn too, because i have a wish!

A kitten.

I saw today on facebook that very cute kittens are looking for home and i can't stop thinking about them!

J knows i want a kitten, so i really really really hope he'll let me get one! It'll make me and the kitten so happy! :)

Isn't she/he adorable! Only 5 weeks old! Poor kitten was left alone with his/her siblings.

We make magic!

The weather was so beautiful on last weekend. Sun was shining and it was warm. But it started raining again last night. For some reason, i don't mind. I like autumn. I like it's getting colder and darker. I like to stay at home, drink hot tea, light some candles and listen to good music. Home is the best place to be when it's a dark and cold autumn night! Especially when it's raining.

It's weird that i have been living in the apartment about a month, but it already feels so comfortable and right place for me! I only with J was here! Then i would be completely happy!

But knowing that he's in my life and that we both care of each other makes my days perfect. I wake up a big silly smile on my face. I don't care if the weather is bad, i don't care if teachers give us so much homework. Because these are pointless little things. But love is important. Happiness is important. And i have them both in my life! I am lucky! And i would always fight for these, always!:)

I am counting days till i can see J again!

"Before I sleep and after I wake up and all the hours in between ... you occupy my mind. So, practically every moment of the day you are in my thoughts. I miss you."

 

Happy!

I just noticed i havent updated here for a long time.
The week when J was at home was so great! I felt lik in heaven! He always makes me feel like a pricess. I love being around him.
We did all kinds of fun things. We went to the movies (3 times), we had dinners out many times and we just spent a lot of time together. The weather was very nice too. Sunny and warm. We walked and talked and ohh..it was a good week!
Now he's back in Finland and i am again counting days till he comes home! I miss him a lot whenever he's away :(  But i'm stong and optimistic. I must be happy that i have so amazing man in my life! he's my everything!
I have been busy with university work. I had to be a "teacher" at art class and PE class. I am so glad these are over. But don't get me wrong, these were both fun ;)
It's weekend now. I came home today because it's my grandpa's 70th birthday! We had a really nice time celebrating his birthday! And oh, i ate so much :D I was joking i was eating so much so i wouldnt have to eat anything upcoming week! Wish it was true! But i know tomorrow i'll be hungry again :P
Anyway, i was just looking old photos.. the first year of uni, meeting J and everything about last year. I feel so blessed! I really love my life:) I'm so incridebly happy i met my Prince Charming. He makes my days complete!

Happppppy days!

J is at home and i am soooo happy :D Everything is so great, honestly! I like that we can talk and set thoight right. I know we both make mistakes and sometimes act the way we don't want to act. But we still do, without even knowing why. It's okay, as long as we learn from our mistakes and try to be better.
I had so much fun yesterday. J surprised me with two beautiful roses! I hadn't got roses for a while so it definitely surprised me! :) And then we went to J's dad's place (me, J and his bro). We sat there for a while, talked and then we headed out for a lunch (i ate a very delicious fish!) and then all four of us went to the movies to watch Final Desitnation 5 ! Oh'boy was that a MOVIE! So awesome! And creepy. I really liked it. After the movies we went home. It was so good to sleep next to my man, cuddle with him. He keeps me warm. I wish he could be with me every single day and night!
Today J woke before me. Such a surprise! But i actually very liked it. We talked and just laughed. Then we headed out for a breakfast. We went to the Vapiano for a pasta ( i know weird choice for breakfast, but we were starved!). Anyway, then we went to the movies! We wacthed Friends With Benefits. I soooooooooo loved it! It was the bestest movie i had watched for a long time! :) Ok. I better go and spend my whole time with J ;)

Xo.

sadness

Sadness in my heart and sole. Oh, i wish i could smile. But there's no point at smiling because i would still be hurt and broken inside. Sadness. A word that describes what i feel inside.
One day could change everything. Actually one word or sentence could. And love. It's a mystory to me. I still think it's the most beautiful feeling in the whole wide word. But it can bring you a lot of sadness too.
I am waiting for Friday. But at the same time i am so scared of it. I don't know what am i going to do. I feel so lost and alone. I feel empty and betrayed. I'm sad. And still, all i want is You!

do you know?

my thoughts today

Today has been full day! First i had geography lesson at Kadrioru ... . It was pretty pointess because teacher walked so fast and we had to run to keep up with her. And she talked so quietly we hardly heard what she was telling us! And on top of it all, she made up climb up some rocks, walk through the forest. My boots were sooooo muddy! :| It didn't look pretty. haha. And she kept us there so long that we were late to our art class. Anyway, art was fun. But when the class ended i had a big amount of mud under my desk. Thank God i wasn't the only one :D
After university i ran through the foodshop and then i met my long lost friend Elise (i am kidding...she's not that lost!). But we hadn't seen since April because she's living in Denmark. We came to my place because i was waiting for Starman Internet and cable guy to come here. We had a cup of tea and when the cable guy left, we headed out for a dinner. We also wanted to go to the movies, but there wasn't much to watch. All good movies are coming out on 23th September. :/ But we still got to talk a lot so it was good! :)
I am back at home now. Finally we have a fast Internet! Yay! I feel good. But not great. I feel like something big and important is missing. I was walking on the street alone before and my thoughts were only at one place. I wish i could do something to make things okay again. Because i feel so weak and not like me. I want to have happy thoughts, i want to smile even if I am alone. I want to have reason to wake up a smile on my face. Only one person could make this all happen. Just one voice!
Missing you is the hardest thing on Earth.

How long?

I am sad. And there's no one who could help me. Well, only one person, but he's more like helping me become more miserable :(
Why do you hurt on purpose someone you love? Does it feel good? I can't imagine. I have never done it. If i do hurt someone sometimes it's not on purpose. And i apologize. Why is it so hard to say you're sorry. Sorry. It's only 5 words, one big meaning that could make things so much better.
Oh, i am obviously thinking too much. I just want to go back at time and change few things.. I wish i could.
How long can one person be mad at someone they love? Just because they are so subborn? Oh, i just have to learn to live with it! Gotta be strong and just wait...

I am sorry.

I am sorry. Even if I'm not guilty, not on purpose anyway. You should have just explained me, not yelled at me. If you don't talk to me about everything how do you expect me to know everything and act the way you want. I made a mistake without even knowing it. And seems like i had ruined everything. But you can't just yell blame and me. It's wrong.

I think you are the one who should apologize now. For blaming me for something i didn't even know about. I didn't know i did anything wrong. If i had known it first, i wouldn't have done it. You know it. I won't do anything to harm you. But it seems you still haven't understood it. I hope you'll realise it soon how much i care of you and how i would never hurt or harm you. I am sorry. And i hope you are too!

Dreams!

Oh yes, i am a dreamer! Everybody knows it. But i think it's not a bad thing. I have had dreams my whole life. And it's such a great feeling if some of my dreams have come true! One of them was meeting my Prince Charming! :) The bestest dream i had ever had! Sometimes if you dream and dream and dream, your dreams just come true! So keep dreaming!

Like my dear friend Clara once said: "Nowadays my only dream is to dream another dream."

J, i love you. You are my biggest dream, hope and faith. You make all my dreams come true! I fell in love with you at the moment i saw you. You had me at hello!

No regrets!

I know that sometimes you do it on purpose. To hurt me. And it works.

And i talk and talk and talk. And you keep being silent. Silence is sometimes even more hurtful than words.

I miss you. And i love you. And i know you do, too. But it still hurts you pretend you don't care.

I think we shouldn't keep so much anger or sadness inside of us. We should let it quickly go away because we live once and we must appreciate what we have in our life. Today is a gift, that's whay it's called a present! Life your life today like there's no tomorrow. Don't go to bed without making sure you have told how much some people mean to you, how much you love them. It's what i always do. I just can't go to bed if i haven't told J i love him, coz you never know what the next day can bring. All i know, i won't have any regrets as long as he knows how MUCH i love him! :)

Uh, the weather!

It's definitely the weather that causes my weird mood. I feel so weird.. sad without no reason. The weather is so depressing! But oh well, it's autumn and i must get used to it. I can't hope the summer is going to return..not just yet.

I just talked to J and he made me feel better. But still. I miss him a lot and this makes me sad too :/ I can't wait till he comes home!

what i feel

S + J = love forever

It's autumn :O

Yeah, i really think it's autumn here. It's getting darker, it's getting colder. And it's raining a lot. And i got a cold - i have a sore throat and runny nose. It's not fun at all.

Tomorrow will be my last day of internship at Rocca al Mare school. I LOVE that school. Honestly, it's so awesome there. All the teachers are so nice and fun. And of course my class is super!

Well, i am very waiting for tomorrow because i'm going to Finland! Yay! I will see the love of my life and we can spend the weekend together! I am really excited coz i miss him a lot!

Actually i am so tired, but i am waiting for J. He just finished his job and i think he'll come to skype soon, too. So we can chat a bit.

I really hope i can win this battle with the cold i have caught. I need to be well. University classes will start next week. I need energy and good health!

Wish me luck! :)

confused

Trust. It has been always the most important part of a relationship for me. I learned it long ago. I like to see it as a vase. Trust is like a vase. If you break it, it's really hard to fix it. I think we can always forgive, but we won't forget. And if you loose your trust to somebody it's so hard to start trusting them again. Completely.
Some people has made mistakes and lied. But everything comes out. Always. No matter how. Is it in the right or wrong way. It doesn't matter in the end.
And if you say it's innocent and it's nothing, then why to hide if in the first place?
Is hiding and lying the same? I don't know. But one is sure, neither of them are good.
I have million thoughts in my head, but i think this place isn't the best place where to write them down right now.
I just hope i never have to feel the way i feel right now.

S.B.

waiting..and then bed!

Oeh. Things aren't nice right now. I have a lot in my mind. Maybe it's even good? Anyway, i really hoped i could talk to J tonight before i go to bed and he goes to work, but he doesn't pick up his phone and he's not on the Internet either. That sucks.
Tomorrow's gonna be a crazy day. Tough day. But thankfully J is coming home. Only nice thing about tomorrow. A very nice, actually. I am so looking forward to it.
I am so tired right now, though it's not that late. It's 9.25pm. I think i'll be up till J goes to work. Maybe he comes to net before he leaves?! And after that i'll fall asleep for sure, i know that! (I work hard to keep my eyes open right now already..my eyelids are so heavy!). But it's worth for waiting. I hope.

Early night! :)

You make it true!

sleepy Friday

Tired. Again. I went to Tallinn early in the morning and i was back at home at 12am. I was soooo tired. I am not used to wake up so early. Anyway, at home i slept till 3 o'clock, then i read a book and then kept sleeping till 6pm. Seems that i have been sleeping most of the day!
Anyway, tomorrow i am going to pack my things and on Sunday I'm going to Tallinn coz i must wake up early on Monday. Next week is going to be fun, busy and crazy. I hope i have time to relax too. Johannes is at home, so i'll enjoy next week for sure!!!! :D I just hope this moving in to his place and unpacking my things won't take too long. I want to spend every second with him. I have to do some school stuff anyway, but luckily only in the mornings. I am so glad that 1st grade students have mostly only 4 classes a day :)
Oeh, i am right now waiting for J to come to skype. I better call him:P

I want to hug my Prince!

I'm as tired as this cute kitty!

Good night!

My own world of books

I have been lately so tired. I have spent most of the days in my bed reading a book or just looking around the Net. I finished reading "Mini shopaholic" which was very funny book. Next i read "Minu Eesti 2" (My Estonia 2). I started with it months ago, but then i got some new books and this one was set aside. Anyway, now i managed to read it through. And after that i read "True Believer" by Nicholas Sparks. I finished with it today. It was such a good book. And now I'm reading "Peaaegu täiuslik" (Almost perfect). I decided that i should read books that are on my bookshelf and that i have bought, but never really gotten so far to read them. Anyway, as it seems last couple of days i have managed to change it. And i still have 6 more books to read :) But uni starts soon and i bet i won't have much time to read at that time. It'll be crazy busy!
Oeh, it's 9.30pm and I'm SO tired :/ I guess it's time for me to go to bed (actually i already am in my bed.Lol).
Oh, one more thing. I miss J. Surprise, surprise, huh? Well, i really am looking forward to 29th when he comes home. In the morning i have some things to do and then he can take care of me at home :) We can finally be together again! He makes me smile!

S.B.

Days of love

Okay, i haven't blogged for quite a while. First of all i must say that i had sooo amazingly fun day with J on 16th Aug. We shopped a bit and then we went to an amusement park in Helsinki. OMG! It was so awesome, scary, crazy and much more! I seriously enjoyed every second with J! It was just a perfect way to celebrate our 1 year anniversary!
I would have never believed that i had gone to American Mountains and loads of other scary rides. But i did! And it was so much fun! When J is next to me I'm not scared. He protects me :)

Anyway, after that wonderful day we took a boat back to Estonia. Then we did lots of shopping the next day. We bought a new bed, a closet, curtains and lots of other smaller things. Our bedroom is almost ready! We only need to buy me a desk where i can study.
But we also had fun when J was here. We went to the movies twice, we watched the last part of Harry Potter and a movie Captain America. We also had dinners out and so on.
Now J is back in Finland and i am counting the days till he gets back!!!! When he's coming back we'll finally move my things to his apartment! And then I'm officially living there :)
I'm so glad that he can be in Estonia for a week. I love spending time with my love!
Oh, my university starts soon. I am actually pretty excited. But i have to wake up pretty early coz classes start at 8:15am already. I'll get to used to it, I'm sure :)
But right now i want to enjoy the last weeks of my summer holiday! :)